You Don't Have To Understand To Be Understanding…

You don't have to understand to be understanding.

So many of us with chronic illness live lives that able-bodied people will never be able to fully comprehend. There's a saying

"Chronic illness, you don't get it till you get it"

And I find that to be fairly true.

But just because able-bodied allies cannot understand what it is like to live every day with chronic pain, chronic fatigue and disability do not mean they cannot be understanding. It does not mean they cannot comprehend the fact that they do not "get it" and therefore be open listeners, provide accommodations, and believe of what we say are our needs.

Just as I will never understand what it is like to be black in America or what it is like to be on welfare doesn't mean I cannot be a thoughtful ally to those groups, the fact that chronic illness is an isolating experience does not mean we cannot have understanding and solidarity with our friends, family and supporters. It just means that some people may have to accept that all they can do is support people from the outside and that some things are too physically indescribable to understand.

Instead of focusing on understanding someone else's illness, focus on being an understanding ally. Focus on being compassionate and on trusting their lived experience with the knowledge that you may never fully understand it.

As for us spoonie friends, I think we should accept that not every ally has to fully understand our pain to be a source of solidarity and action in the fight against ableism. We don't need gatekeeping or people to have read every blog or article on every condition. We need power in numbers to create systemic change.