Spontaneity Is A Privilege and Valuable

Pacing & Spontaneity

Pacing is easiest when we stick to a pre-planned routine that we know is within our energy budget. Spontaneity can disrupt this careful budgeting and cause us to go into a crash. Thus when pacing strictly spontaneity is undesirable.

This makes spontaneity a privilege that many people with Myalgic Encephalomyelitis simply do not have.

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Spontaneity & Adrenaline

Spontaneous action is exciting and combined with the likelihood of spontaneity causing overexertion means that it is likely to cause adrenaline surges.

Vice versa, when experiencing an adrenaline surge it is easy to spontaneously act because your rational judgement may be impeded by the sudden burst of energy adrenaline surges can cause.

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Spontaneity Is A Function Of Excess

Spontaneity requires excess. For example: to make the spontaneous decision to buy a Nintendo Switch this requires having immedate access to a few hundred dollars.

Likewise, "being spontaneous" is impulse spending of energy and requires excess energy (ie. Good health) or access to energy "credit" (ie. Adrenaline surges, stimulants, or going outside your energy envelope).

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Spontaneity Is A Privilege Not A Personality Trait

Having or not having excess is a matter privilege. While someone can be more or less spontaneous based on how recklessly they spend their money and/or energy, the choice to be spontaneous at all requires access to those resources.

A vast majority of chronic illness patients report that they used to be spontaneous, likewise, elderly people also often report becoming less spontaneous over time. This is rarely because their personalities have changed. But their health and access to resources has.

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The Value Of Spontaneity To Mental Health

Keeping the same routine for years can be soul crushing and burn out your will to live when you know exactly how every day will play out.

We remember new or unexpected events more. This can lead to fogginess and lack of memory of large stretches of time when there is a lack of spontaneity. Feeling like life is passing you by this way can lead to depression.

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Cultivating Spontaneity On A Budget

"Planned spontaneity" is perhaps a contradiction but it can be highly valuable to people with ME.

This can look like resting in advance of a big day so you can be more spontaneous in your choices on that day. It can also look like planning activities, even small ones, that break your normal routine in order to form distinct memories.

In order to be spontaneous you require excess. When your energy budget is tight, you will need to save up for spontaneous actions. This can mean giving up some basic tasks like food preparation or showering in order to find room innyour budget for spontaneous action.

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When Spontaneity Isn't A Choice

Unfortunately, even worse than not having spontaneity because of energy limits is living a life where spontaneous obstacles prevent you from living within your energy budget. This can happen for many reasons but some of the most common include:

-Small children: who do not understand ME and who require caregiving even when energy reserves are low.

-Caregiving crisis: lack of access to care or last minute cancelations can leave no choice but to spontaneously add to your workload.

-Housing instability: Being homeless is dangerous for anyone with ME and for severe ME deadly, thus if housing becomes unstable spontaneous action must be taken to attempt to secure stable housing.

-Mental health: When in a mental health crisis or altered state, spontaneous actions may not feel dangerous or you simply may not care about the danger.

-Medical emergencies: can leave no choice but to suddenly pack up for hospital or undergo strenuous treatments.

All of these and more can cause sponaneous actions despite the person doing everything in their power to be responsible. This spontaneity is not a privilege, it is a burden on those who must navigate it.

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Self-Compassion For Spontaneous Actions

Whether your spontaneity was planned, impulsive, or out of your hands it is essential to have self-compassion for spontaneous actions.

Spontaneity is a key part of life. Do not beat yourself up for wanting to live.

Spontaneity may be a privilege and not a character trait but that doesn't mean losing it doesn't feel like losing a part of ourselves. Allow yourself time and space to grieve.

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Spontaneity & ME Summarized

Pacing is easiest when you follow a routine without spontaneous decisions which can cause adrenaline surges.

Spontaneity requires excess of something or going into debt because of the unplanned expense. This makes spontaneity a privilege not a charactee trait.

Spontaneity is very helpful to mental health so saving energy for "planned spontaneity" can be helpful.

Spontaneous actions aren't always a choice such as when poverty or small children leave no other option.

Spontaneity is a key part of life. Do not beat yourself up for wanting or needing to choose it.

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Spontaneity is a privilege, not a character trait.

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Myalgic Encephalomyelitis is a disease which strips us of our ability to be (safely) spontaneous.

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With ME/CFS every action comes with a careful calculation:

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Will I have enough energy to complete my necessary tasks if I do this?

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Will this action cause post-exertional symptoms on days when I need my energy?

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Will this action risk a severe relapse or permanent decline in my condition?

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These questions are not frivolous. They are necessary for survival. But they are very much an obstacle to any last minute spontaneous action.

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But while MECFS may steal our spontaneity, that does not mean it is not still something to value and incorporate into our lives.

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Planned Spontaneity where we plan and set aside a significant amount of energy to be used in a sudden spontaneous action can bring vibrance, joy, and unique memories into our lives.

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But regardless of how we choose to engage with spontaneity, we must acknowledge that this choice looks different to different people. Spontaneity is limited by what our bodies and society will accommodate.

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The variety of our options does not determine our personality, the choices we make from what we have done.

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So go forth and bring a bit of safe spontaneity into your life if you can and desire to. But know that accepting a routine as a way to stabilize your illness is not giving up who you are, it is simply who you are under different circumstances.