Judging People Based on Their Ability to Handle Disability is Ableism. Why Participation Trophies Belong on The Top Shelf.
First of all, this should be clear from the statement itself
Judging people based on any specific ability is ableism.
Therefore
Judging people based on their ability to handle disability is ableism.
But beyond this, the statement obscures the fact that
Your level of disability is directly defined by your ability to handle your disability.
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Thought experiment:
Let's take chronic pain as an example. Different people have different pain tolerance.
A frequent misunderstanding of pain might say: how well someone deals with the amount of pain they are in shown strength of character. Therefore if two people both suffer the same injury, the person who handles the pain better (higher pain tolerance) is stronger.
But consider allodynia a condition that sharply lowers pain tolerance such that even a gentle touch can feel like a knife's blade. The person with less severe allodynia (higher pain tolerance) is not stronger, they are just less affected. They have a less debilitating and disabling condition.
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Ability vs strength
Why then is pain tolerance only sometimes an ability and sometimes a "strength" the answer is "strength" is often just a name of ability beyond the standard. But therefore a natural strength is no more to someone's credit than a disability is a moral failing.
The reality, however, is we treat strength or lack of strength as very different from things we consider abilities. While we can see that it is ableist to consider directly measurable disability as a moral failing we often fail to see other less defined strengths and weaknesses through the lens of disability.
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"Handling disability" is a poorly defined strength
The reality is the ability to handle disability is a complex strength that is no less still highly dependent on features outside the disabled person's control. These features include
-Severity of the condition
-Monetary resources
-Stable background and family
-Stable mental health (or physical health is disability is primarily mental health related)
-Societal supports available in your country
-Whether your condition is well understood by your community
And much more.
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Life compatibility greatly influences "handling disability"
People often assume that disabled people went about their life knowing they would be disabled. While this may be true of some congenital conditions, it is untrue for the majority of disabled people. Therefore a major factor of how someone "handles" their disability is how compatible their previous skills and career are with their new disability. For example, an athlete who gets MECFS a distinctly energy-depleting disability will probably "handle" their disability much more poorly than a writer who works from home and can even work from bed.
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Judging how someone "handles" their disability is wrong because ableism is wrong.
Both of these views take something that is primarily out of people's hands:
Whether they have a disability
Or
Whether they have the resources to deal with being disabled
And treat the outcome as a personal credit or failing. The reality is everyone is dealing with a disability to the best of their ability and to complement one person as doing a "better" job handling their disability implies that it is a personal failing of others simply to live in the circumstances given to them.
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Wanting to complement people
Some people might accuse this line of reasoning as just being anti-complement. After all if "strengths" are just abilities in disguise how can we compliment anyone for anything.
The reality is we need to stop complimenting people on their abilities and start complimenting them on their choices, and actions. This means appreciating act of kindness, bravery, compassion, and passion for justice, equity, equality, and truth. Compliment people on self-expression and on choosing to do good things rather than on whether they accomplish them.
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"I appreciate the effort" is not just for failure!
One of the major issues we have with communication around disability is having two different sets of compliments. One for "successful" people disabled or not, and one for "unsuccessful."
Nothing captures this dichotomy as well as the trope of the participation trophy. A trophy whose very existence has become a meme of failure.
But the reality is "I appreciate the effort you put into _______" is one of the best non-ableist compliments you can give to anyone and is a much more genuine thing to compliment than natural ability. So please, use this compliment when people succeed. Use this compliment for Olympic athletes and Noble Prize winners. Use it everywhere it is deserved. Including but never limited to those battling illness and disability.
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Conclusion
Judging people based on their abilities is ableist. How well someone handles disability is an ability outside of their personal control and therefore is itself part of ability and disability.
We need to stop complementing and judging people based on their abilities. The better alternative is to complement people's choices and actions.
Participation awards and the compliment "I appreciate the effort you out into ____" are actually ideal non-ableist complements that apply just as much to noble prize winners and Olympic athletes as disabled people. These compliments need to be used on both traditionally "successful" and "unsuccessful" people to teach everyone their true values.
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No one has the right to tell you how hard or easy life with your disability is. mental health, physical health, chronicIllness and terminal diagnosis all come with their own challenges and difficulties and are not inseperable.
While we can easily aknowledge that some medical conditions are more dehbilitating or life threatening than others, no person can be reduced to one diagnosis.
There are people with depression who stuggle to survive in a well supported environment with a physically healthy body, and there are people with severe ME who somehow find peace and joy for life in a single room. If we do not believe in the superiority of physical illness over mental illness than we should not believe that one of these people is doing a "better" job at being disabled.
Likewise, when two people with physical health conditions are compared and one is praised for their "strength" this often comes in the form of prioritizing a medicalized view of suffering. Someone who is still working despite having a massive brain tumor on their scan is seen as stronger than someone who had to stop work due to dehbilitating chronic migraine, an invisible illness not seen on any scan. But tests and scans do not represent the actual challenges of living with chronic pain and chronic fatigue.
To stop ableism means stopping valuing people based on ability. When we turn "fighting" chronic illness or "overcoming" disability into an accomplishment we are simply trading valuing people for one job to valuing them for another. Instead we need to value people for something outside their performance. Value them for their morals, choices, dedication, effort, and love. Regardless of how successful they may be at making those goals a reality.
(PS: This post was written a while ago when I was much healthier, but I wanted it to get it posted even though I am not currently able to be on social media much. Surviving very Severe ME is all I am up for right now so apologies for not checking comments or being online.)
