We’re Doing It For Attention… Medical Attention
I've seen some form of this meme all over chronic illness social media.
"You're just doing it for attention"
"Yes! Medical attention!"
But I think the discussion often stops there. In reality, the fact that we are seeking medical attention is what can often make the claim that we are just doing it for attention so hard-hitting and dangerous.
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Why it hurts.
It is very common for people with chronic illnesses to learn to mask their symptoms. It is necessary for us to avoid harassment and danger. So when we do show our symptoms by complaining, using mobility aids, and generally seeking help, it is an admission of vulnerability, a choice to drop the mask. We do this because must in order to get help.
But because there is a decision involved this makes the comment that we are doing it for attention extremely cutting. Because we are making a choice to be visible for attention, if we don't bring our complaints to the doctor and self-advocate we will never get help.
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Why it's dangerous
In short the reason claims of "faking for attention" are caused by ableism and cause harm because of ableism. They hurt not only because they feed on our internalized stigma against seeking help, but also because of the rational fears of what can happen to us when people in power think this way.
The way ableism causes harm with these statements is twofold, internalized and external ableism both play a role.
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Internalized Ableism
One reason the accusation that a chronic illness patient is faking is dangerous is internalized ableism. In short, we often accuse ourselves of faking because society is so fast to degrade, dehumanize, and disbelieve disabled people.
When being disabled is the worst thing imaginable to you, it can be easier to believe you are faking an illness than accept that you have a severe permanent disease and you are disabled.
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Consequences
When we worry we are faking rather than accepting our disability we do not take the appropriate actions to improve our lives like seeing doctors, focusing on healing, and giving ourselves compassion.
When we affirm that we are seeking attention, medical attention, we acknowledge that we are acting rationally to seek medical help.
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External Abilism
Additionally, the claim that we are faking for attention preys on the very legitimate fear of ableism in doctors' offices, government, and family. The people we need to protect us will not do so if they believe we are doing it for attention. So we have a strong incentive to downplay our symptoms enough to not trigger this harm.
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Consequences
Once again the consequences are that we do not share properly the symptoms we are experiencing. Ironically this can actually make doctors more likely to be skeptical of us if our symptoms do not match levels of distress we cannot hide.
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No reason to fake symptoms.
The reality is there is no reason for someone to fake disability. We treat disabled people terribly. Financially, socially, and medically you lose not gain by having a disability or chronic illness.
But that is exactly why from a chronically ill perspective it is so tempting to believe we are faking. If we really did just need to pull ourselves together we wouldn't need all the help we are so stigmatized for seeking.
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Conclusion
In short, because the claim we are doing it for attention rests upon the truth that we do express our symptoms in order to seek treatment, it is an attack that can feel more grounded.
But the more we remind ourselves that we are doing it for medical attention and treatment the more we can recognize that this form of attention seeking is justified and necessary.
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If you have severe symptoms of illness you deserve medical attention. It's not attention seeking to try to find answers to debilitating medical conditions.
Chronically Ill patients are often told that we are attention seeking because we see so many doctors or frequently have to bring up symptoms. It is true that this is a horrible mischaracterization as most people with chronic illness and especially stigmatized illnesses like Myalgic Encephalomyelitis or MECFS, fibromyalgia and undiagnosed severe illness downplay their symptoms constantly and are not faking being ill but rather the time we appear to be well.
However, there is a bigger truth and that is that just because a patient's problem is not easily solvable does not make them irration to seek help. If someone has a broken arm they would certainly not be called "attention seeking" for going to have it put in a cast. Yet someone with POTS who is having a severe episode and fainting regularly may be frequently accused of attention seeking for going to get IV fluids. Similarly, if both the person with a broken arm and someone with chronic migraine are in the ED waiting and making pained noises as they suffer similar pain quantities the person with a migraine is likely to be the one called an attention seeker. In both cases the person has a medical condition and is seeking a treatment they know will alleviate severe pain. Yet because one is a chronic and invisible condition, we treat them differently.
There is a massive double standard that disabled joy is taboo, that disabled people are expected to suffer constantly, and yet should we complain and seek relief from our symptoms we are labeled as attention seeking. In short, if we do not "get better soon" we need to stop seeking medical attention. Yet for those with a rare disease and misunderstood conditions like severe ME seeking help over and over is necessary to find the minority of doctors willing to do the leg work of extensive investigations and experimental treatment. This medical care can have massive benefits, can allow people huge quality and quantity of life improvements and is completely rational to continue seeking.
